Relationships are tough – marriages especially so. For most of us, when we get married, we enter the partnership wanting to make things work. Unfortunately, sometimes they just fall apart on their own without us even realizing it.
There are moments when getting time apart from each other is the best. It’s not exactly heartening to hear, but the statistics don’t lie as far as how many marriages end in divorce. Typically, there’s a step before, that, though: separation.
What does it involve? Well, I think most of what you need to know is right there on the tin…you separate from your partner. Most of the time, the couple in question ends up splitting apart physically, getting some space from each other. This does raise a couple of questions, though, involving personal safety.
After all, there are some circumstances in which a separation happens for the safety of one of the partners in the marriage. Domestic violence, which you can read about here, https://www.un.org/en/coronavirus/what-is-domestic-abuse, is a real issue that many people face each and every day. No matter what the circumstances of your separation are, though, there are some things that you should know.
Set Boundaries Where You Can
Something to remember here is that while separation doesn’t always end with divorce, it often is the precursor for it. So, one of the first (and most important) things that you can do is to set boundaries with your partner during this period. Naturally, this can take shape in many ways.
Since you’re probably getting some physical space from each other, there’s a chance that someone forgets something in your shared home. If that does happen, it’s probably best to set a specific time for the item to be retrieved, rather than just showing up at a random time. However, if this doesn’t work, things can get a bit sticky.
There’s a misconception that it’s okay for the locks to be changed on a shared property during a separation. This isn’t the case, interestingly enough. You see, you can’t change locks during divorce or separation if the house in question is jointly owned by both partners. So, if the locks have been changed by one party, the other can technically just call the smith and get them changed back (or get a new key) and that would be legal.
Obviously, this sort of thing is awkward and uncomfortable to deal with (to say the least). That’s why I say that setting boundaries in the first place can be so critical – it can really help to ensure that you won’t have to have these sorts of weird conversations with your partner (or ex-partner).
Now, if you’re wondering why this sort of law is in place at all, it’s mostly to prevent a sort of “revenge” against a partner during separation. Unfortunately, this can result in some dangerous situations at times. If you’re afraid for your life or fear an abusive partner, make sure to contact the authorities and consider filing a court order – don’t just change the locks without doing those things to ensure your long-term safety.
Space Can be a Good Thing
Even if separation seems like a solely negative sort of thing, honestly, that isn’t always the case. Sometimes it can actually help a couple to work things out and heal the problems that have arisen between them. When you’re with someone every day with no breaks, small issues can quickly compound into huge, relationship-fracturing ones.
There are plenty of articles out there such as this one that talks about how sometimes, going through this process can be quite beneficial for both parties involved. Separated couples getting back together might seem rare, but it does happen. So, just remember that space can really help clear heads and it isn’t always a bad thing. It might even help mend a broken partnership.
It’s Okay to Admit that a Marriage Isn’t Working
When we’re young, a lot of us are fed the idea that our sole goal in life should be to grow older, get married, and have a family. The reality of the situation is that this makes some of us rush into a marriage that we aren’t quite ready for, and the results can be explosive, to say the least. While it can be hard to come to terms with it, it’s okay to acknowledge that a partnership just isn’t going to work out.
There’s no shame in that, and you’re not just adding to the statistic of marriages “failing.” Ending in separation or divorce isn’t necessarily a failure – it takes a lot of strength to acknowledge that you are at the point where those processes need to occur. You can read a bit more about that here, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/202001/7-things-do-you-separate, if you’d like to see further explanation on what I mean.
Essentially, though, I think it’s important to recognize that a lot of the statistics that we see are because divorce and separation are more accessible today. No one has to feel trapped in a loveless partnership if they want to get out of it, whereas in the past, this wasn’t always the case. Don’t feel ashamed if you and your partner decide to separate or get a divorce.
Retaliation is Never a Good Idea
As I mentioned in the first section here, trying to get revenge on an ex-partner is not going to be beneficial for either party. Certain things, like changing the locks without notifying the other person who owns the property, just aren’t really legal. Other times, it could result in the rest of the family getting involved as well, and this sort of behaviour can hurt a lot of people in the crossfire.
This is especially true if there are children involved. So, just remember that this sort of thing isn’t really worth it. It’s a much better idea to set those boundaries and accept that things aren’t working out as opposed to turning it into pissing content of some kind.
Related Posts:
